


i'm here, i'm yours

by violentroar



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, i have no excuse whatsoever, this is straight up fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentroar/pseuds/violentroar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry and louis are best friends who also happen to be in love. they kind of figure it out on christmas eve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>a very lovely anon provided me with a prompt. this is the result. all the happy fluffy christmassy things for you, anon! i hope you enjoy. <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm here, i'm yours

Harry straightened the spoon on the nearest place setting, a little frown deepening between his eyebrows. He was in full blown preparation mode. This dinner was going to go perfectly. Or so he kept telling himself.

In the kitchen, his mum was humming ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ and it was that, if anything, that calmed the anxious knots forming in his stomach. It all felt so normal, but it wasn’t. Not really. This year the Tomlinsons were coming for Christmas Eve dinner and Harry was a nervous wreck. 

Of course Louis was his absolute best mate in the world, had been since he was five (and seven, in Louis’ case), and they’d been apart of each other’s families since then. But this year was different. This year was the year Harry finally did it. This was _his_ year. The thing was, he wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to tell Louis he was madly in love with him, and had been for probably as long as he’d known him. It was a delicate topic, but Harry was determined. 

Louis turned nineteen today. He’d just gotten home from his first semester at uni and, to date, it had been the hardest four months of Harry’s sixteen year long life. Not having his best mate next door was more difficult than he expected. Texts and Skype weren’t enough. Louis had seemed to be having the time of his life away at uni, without Harry, and it twisted Harry’s insides to know he couldn’t be there to experience it with him. So. That’s why he’d concocted this half-arsed plan one night after he’d left a sort of drunken message on Louis’ voicemail about how boring life was without him at home. 

Actually, the more he thought about it, the more stupid all of this seemed. This wasn’t the extent of Louis’ world anymore. He’d gone on, seen things, experienced things that Harry hadn’t yet. Maybe he’d met someone at uni, he talked a lot about his new friends there. Maybe there wasn’t room for Harry in his life anymore. Suddenly, Harry’s stomach dropped and he rushed up to his bathroom, locked himself inside, and seriously considered trying to drown himself in the shower.

No. Nope. He couldn’t do it. Dumb, stupidstupidstupid. Idiot.

An hour later, there was a sharp rapping on the door. “Harry. They’re here. You’re being rude.” It was Gemma, and she sounded annoyed. Harry ignored her as he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked awful. Pale, red-rimmed eyes, frazzled mess of curls. “Shit,” he mumbled, and forced himself to focus on actually looking like a human being again. 

When he opened the door, Gemma was still standing there, hand on her hip and looking at him like he was the most ridiculously pathetic moron in existence. Which. Probably true.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him into his room. On his bed were clothes she’d laid out for him. Black jeans, a white button-down, and a navy blue blazer. “I’ll just tell them you’ll be a minute, yeah?” she said, her tone softer as she reached out and rubbed his arm. “Louis loves your stuffed breads. He’s eaten about five pieces already.”

If she thought that would cheer him up, she was wrong. But Harry gave his sister a weak sort of smile and nodded. “I’ll be down in a minute.” Gemma nodded and, with one last glance at him over her shoulder, left, closing the door behind her.

Harry dressed almost mechanically. He couldn’t really let himself think about what was waiting downstairs. Every doubt in the world seemed to flood his head. He looked at the package wrapped in gold paper sitting on his bed. There was a little red bow on it. He sighed heavily and turned his back on it, forcing himself to leave the room. Maybe another year.

—

Dinner had gone perfectly. The turkey wasn’t underdone, the vegetables weren’t soggy, the pudding was perfect. Even the gravy had come out rather tasty. But Harry had barely eaten any of it. And he’d been uncharacteristically quiet the whole evening. Louis had asked him was was wrong at least three times, and each time Harry had pasted what was surely the least genuine smile on his face and tried to change the subject, only to lose focus a minute later and return to poking at his now cold food. Louis was worried, clearly, but Harry really didn’t have it in him to make Louis feel better. 

He’d taken on dish washing duties while everyone was still chatting at the table. Gemma helped him clear up the plates and then he’d told her he’d take care of the rest. She gave him one of her pitying looks again and Harry just turned away. He couldn’t handle it again, not from Gemma. 

He was elbow deep in soap suds when he felt someone watching him. Craning his neck, he looked over his shoulder to see Louis standing in the doorway, watching him like he wasn’t quite sure what to make of him. Harry knew he must’ve looked ridiculous. He’d put on his mum’s Santa’s Little Helper apron to keep his clothes from getting wet. “Hi,” was all he said by way of greeting, turning back to the pot in the sink and beginning to scrub at it again. 

“Are you angry with me?” Louis asked softly, picking up a dish towel and starting to dry the plates Harry had already washed. 

“No,” Harry replied, short, clipped, not looking anywhere but at the pot he was scrubbing. 

“You’ve always been a shit liar, you know that?” Louis sighed, carefully piling up the dried plates on the counter. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done, but I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day. It’s my birthday, Harry. Or, if that’s not reason enough, it’s nearly Christmas. Please don’t be like this today.”

Harry’s chest tightened, he felt the tears pricking at his eyes. But he didn’t say anything at all. He felt Louis watching him, knew the look on his face by heart. The sad eyes. He just couldn’t bear it. 

He dropped the pot with a loud clang and rushed out of the room, tearing off the apron as he nearly ran out into the hall to grab his jacket. 

Louis stared at him in shock and flinched when the door slammed shut. 

—

Sitting out in the cold on an old, rusty swing set turned out to be one of Harry’s less brilliant ideas of the evening. And that was really saying something. He hadn’t even thought to grab a beanie. So, yeah, his ears were numb and probably about to fall off. 

He’d made a royal mess of the whole night. There really was no getting around that fact. The swing creaked in the cold and Harry shoved his fists deeper into the pockets of his coat. 

“What kind of idiot comes to the playground alone on Christmas Eve? People are gonna think you’re an old creeper, mate.”

Harry looked up, surprised. Louis was walking toward him, two steaming takeaway mugs in his hands. When he was close enough, he offered one to Harry. Looking away, embarrassed, Harry took it and then carefully took a sip. 

“Hot chocolate?” he asked, so incredibly grateful for the warmth of the cup in his hands. 

“Yeah, I helped make it. Gemma and I finished clearing up and then we all had a big hot chocolate making party which you missed cos you were out here sulking.” Harry could hear the smile in Louis’ voice. Somewhere in the distance, the nine o’clock church bells were ringing. 

“The girls were asking where you’d gone. Your mum’s worried. I told her I’d make sure you’re okay.” Again, Harry said nothing. His stomach was in knots again but he just sipped his hot chocolate. From the corner of his eye, he saw Louis look away from him and drink from his own cup. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Hazza,” he began, and Harry turned his head marginally in Louis’ direction, staring at Louis’ toes just skimming the ground as he swung back and forth a little.

“Uni is really great and all, but I miss you. I miss having you to talk to, watching shows with, having sleep overs on school nights. I miss those stupid cookies you make that I always eat too many of and regret it after. It’s hard not having you around all the time. I was really looking forward to seeing you, and just being best mates again for a few weeks.”

And there it was. Best mates. That’s all Louis wanted, and to be honest, Harry knew that much. It was stupid to think there’d be more there, really, but the awful thing about Harry was he always had hope. And sometimes that hope sort of crushed him entirely. 

“I’m really sorry, Lou,” Harry said, looking up at Louis for the first time all night. He was sincerely sorry. Louis watched him, confusion in his eyes. Harry went on. “I just. I missed you too. I thought maybe… maybe you’d forgotten about me. Didn’t want me around anymore. Didn’t need me. It’s been dull as shit around here without you and I missed you most of all, I think. More than your mum, even.”

They both laughed at that, softly and with some hesitation, but at least it felt a bit normal. And that’s what Harry needed now. Normal. He took another sip of his hot chocolate and pushed off the ground, trying to swing a little. The chains creaked ominously. They both looked up and then at each other, bursting out laughing a second later. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk,” Harry said, standing and waiting for Louis to join him. 

Their little town was all lit up and always had felt a bit like magic this time of year. Tonight, especially. Harry and Louis walked all through the familiar streets, just talking and laughing. Louis told Harry about all the people he met at uni and Harry caught Louis up on the happenings at home. They laughed some more when they got to talking about old memories. They waved at familiar faces, stopped to talk to some old school friends and a few neighbours. Everyone wanted to know about Louis’ first months at uni and Harry just listened with a small smile on his face. Louis was still his best mate. Everything would be okay.

It was nearly eleven by the time they turned down their street. Harry’s cup had been empty for awhile, but they hadn’t passed a bin yet so he just stuffed it in his front pocket.

Louis had been oddly quiet as they approached home, and Harry figured he might as well give him the chance to get whatever he was thinking off his chest.

He nudged his elbow against Louis’ arm, offering a small smile when Louis looked over at him. 

“You alright?” Harry asked, frowning a little.

Louis laughed, his breath puffing out in a cloud in front of him. But it wasn’t his usual laugh. Something about it seemed a bit… off. 

“Yeah, of course, it’s just…” Louis trailed off, looking around at all the familiar houses on their street, all lit up with Christmas lights and decorations. “Didn’t realise how homesick I was till I got home. Is that weird?”

Harry shrugged, he couldn’t really say he knew how it felt to be homesick. He hadn’t ever left home for a long period of time. He imagined he would though, when the time came for him to go to uni as well. 

“I think it was bound to happen. We’re all just a bunch of weirdos who kept you entertained for eighteen years. Hard not to miss us, yeah?” Harry grinned at Louis, pulling a bit of a stupid face at him. Louis laughed and punched Harry’s arm playfully.

“You know you’re more than that, don’t you?” Louis asked, sobering slightly. “I mean, you’re all really lovely. You’ve never judged me or made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Even when I’ve been awful and drove you mad, you’ve been patient.”

Harry listened, not sure if Louis was talking generally or specifically at this point. But he didn’t interrupt. 

“It’s nice to be around people who know you. I think I’ve taken that for granted all my life. And now it’s just… been put into a greater focus now that I’ve been away.” Louis breathed out, circling the rim of his cup with his gloved finger. “I meant it, you know,” he continued, looking over at Harry. “I missed you. Maybe the most.”

“I’ve missed you,” Harry replied quietly, his stomach flip-flopping a little, unsure what else to say. He licked his chapped lips, noticing that they were nearing Louis’ house. It was the prettiest on the street, in Harry’s opinion. Suited Louis and his family perfectly. 

They slowed to a stop at Louis’ front gate, both of them just staring at his house, lit up and beautiful, for a few moments. Then Louis turned to Harry.

“Harry, I—“ 

“It’s freezing,” Harry interjected, quite loudly, suddenly afraid of what Louis might’ve been about to say. He didn’t even know why, really, but the moment felt too heavy somehow. 

Louis flinched a little, then smiled a little stiffly, nodding. Harry sniffed, rubbing his nose with the back of his wrist.

“Come inside with me? I’ve a pressie for you. For your birthday and all. We’ve still a bit of time left.” Harry reached out and grabbed Louis by the wrist and pulled, leading him around to the back door of his house. The kitchen light above the sink was left on, Harry could hear the tv in the next room. Other than that, it was quiet. They snuck up the stairs and into Harry’s room.

The package was sitting on the bed just as he’d left it, gold wrapped with a little red bow on top. Louis took off his coat, gloves, boots and hat after dropping his cup in the bin next to Harry’s desk and went to sit on the bed, legs curling up in front of him.

He looked at the package from every angle. Harry watched him, giggling softly as he pulled off his coat and toed off his boots, going to sit opposite him on the bed. Louis looked quite beautiful, cheeks and nose red from the cold, hair a little mussed up and windswept. He picked up the package and placed it in his lap.

“Right, Harold, this better be good seeing as you’ve basically kidnapped me outside my own home.” Louis’ eyes actually fucking twinkled when he smiled, Harry’s heart thudded in his chest. He swallowed and nodded for Louis to open it, his mouth suddenly dry.

Louis’ fingers made quick work of tearing open the gift, bits of wrapping paper flying every which way, though he did keep the bow, sticking it on top of his head. That was almost like a tradition. Every year since Harry had known him, Louis always put one of the bows of his presents on top of his head. Harry was quite honoured that this year, it was the bow from his gift.

Beneath the wrappings, the box itself was quiet plain and boring. But Harry watched Louis’ face carefully as he opened it.

Inside was a snow globe. Louis carefully lifted it out of the box, staring through the dome. There were blue and green glass hearts entwined on the inside, and in front of them a little sign that read “To me, you are perfect” in Harry’s handwriting.

Louis was still. Harry felt as though his heart was going to burst clear through his chest. He heard his blood rushing in his ears and all of a sudden, it was incredibly hot in his room. 

“I— um, I…” Harry stammered, his palms sweating as he curled his fingers into fists. Louis looked up at him, eyes round and mouth hanging open a little. 

Now was the time. He needed to say _something_. Jesus. 

Harry closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep breath. “Look, I know this seems a bit crazy, and it probably is. But you’re so special to me, Lou. You are. You make me feel the most myself out of anyone and… I like that person. I like who I am when I’m with you. There’s no one else I’d wanna steal popcorn from or clean up after or make laugh or cook Eggs Benedict for with and have cookie dough wars with. There’s no one I feel safer with. Home isn’t home without you. You’re… just. Fuck, you’re really lovely, Lou. And I think. I think I’m in love with you.”

Louis was quiet, listening to Harry’s every word. He stared at the snow globe in his hands, then up at Harry, then back down again. After awhile, he shook it properly and watched the snow swirling on the inside, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

After a moment, he placed it on the bed beside him and scooted closer to Harry, until their knees touched. Harry looked up at him, pretty sure he was about to vomit everywhere and ruin Louis’ jumper.

Louis was smiling. Sure, it was sort of a stunned, dazed kind of smile, but it made the corners of his eyes crinkle. And that was Harry’s favourite kind. 

“Is that why you were all weird earlier?” Louis asked, head tilted to the side a bit. 

Harry blushed even deeper and nodded. “I mean, not the whole reason. I’d sort of got it in my head that you’d never feel the same and I’d planned all of this already and I think I just sort of. Freaked out.”

Louis let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot.” 

Harry frowned at him. “That’s a bit rude, if you ask—“ 

He was cut off by Louis, who had leaned over and pressed his lips to Harry’s, effectively shutting him up.

The kiss knocked the breath right out of him. His head spun and the rushing in his ears roared loudly, triumphantly. Everything about Harry’s world in that moment was beautiful and gentle and warm. Louis’ lips were dry, but softer than Harry had ever dared imagine. His fingertips were cold when they touched Harry’s cheek.

“I’m an idiot,” Harry finally agreed when Louis pulled back. The sound of his answering laugh made Harry open his eyes. He blinked a few times. Nothing felt real. It was all daze-y and dreamlike and there was a really big part of him that was sure he’d dreamt it all. 

Louis brushed his thumb along Harry’s jaw, his eyes lingering on Harry’s lips, almost like he very much wanted another go at them. But he looked up, meeting Harry’s eyes instead. 

“I’m in love with you, too,” Louis said, his words barely a whisper. “Think I knew it that last night I spent at home before leaving. I didn’t want to get up the next day and leave you. It felt like I was ripping some part of me away.” 

Harry’s eyes widened, his mouth dropping open. Louis went on. “I cried about it to mum on the drive. She was really good about it. Told me we’d be okay. But I missed you, Hazza. More than anything.”

The church bells in the distance began ringing. Both Harry and Louis counted out the twelve chimes, silently mouthing along together, like they’d always done at midnight on Christmas, for as long as Harry could remember. After the twelfth, Harry leaned forward and kissed Louis again, so softly. 

That was a first.

“And to think,” Louis said, smiling as they pulled apart. “All I got you was a Michael Buble Christmas cd.”

Harry shrugged, grinning so that his dimples deepened in his cheeks. “That just means you owe me a proper dance later after dinner. A gift that keeps on giving, really.”


End file.
